What are things coming to if a multinational can’t humble a government?

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Messages from the archive of Rutherford Hall, critical communications strategist

WhatsApp to Stephen: Oh no. I’m going to be firefighting today. The transport secretary has attacked P&O ferries again over those firings, backing a boycott of it. Apparently Downing Street didn’t tell her DP World   — its parent, our client — was about to announce a big deal at Keir’s investment summit. DP are now hopping mad. 

From [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Dear Sultan,

You are entirely right to view this as unacceptable and discourteous. If this new Labour government wants the prestige of announcing your investment then it owes you the civility of not trashing your businesses in the days immediately before. Assuming you don’t actually want to jeopardise the investment in upgrading your own port, the challenge is to make clear your displeasure without doing anything too drastic.

I suggest we leak the news that you are rethinking your attendance at the summit and see where that gets us. I’ll suggest you could switch priorities to the trimodal hub in Belgium you are often talking about. If we don’t like the response we can simply deny the reports. Suggest they don’t understand how to deal with business. Let’s see if we can bring these rogue ministers to heel a bit. Things have gone badly wrong if a giant Dubai-based multinational can’t push around the British government every now and then.

Leave it with me, Rutherford 

Find me on Strava, KoM Sydenham Hill, PR Al Jubailah/Bawdah Loop — 42 mins

PS: sorry for ignorance but what is a trimodal hub? 

WhatsApp to Telegraphhack: You didn’t hear this from me but DP World is steaming about the attacks on P&O Ferries and is rethinking both its attendance at the Investment Summit and the £1.6bn deal it was poised to announce. Apparently there’s a trimodal hub in Belgium they might prioritise instead. It’s a disaster for Keir’s growth agenda. 

WhatsApp to Telegraphhack: Call yourself a business journalist. Trimodal means it’s got three modes.

WhatsApp to Telegraphhack: No. They don’t think Britain is “finished”. They are businessmen, not one of your columnists. 

WhatsApp to Varun Chandra: Listen mate, you’re the Downing Street business tsar. You need to jump on this DP World stuff. I’ve tried to explain that she’s only the transport secretary, nobody important, but they’ve got this strange notion that cabinet members matter. I’m doing what I can to cool them down but they could walk. 

WhatsApp to Varun Chandra: I wouldn’t be so sure. They’ve got a trimodal hub in Liege they can switch the investment to.

WhatsApp to Varun: It means it’s got three modes.

WhatsApp to Varun: I can’t start pestering Poppy, she’s only been in the job a few hours.

WhatsApp to Poppy Gustafsson: Hi Poppy. Many congratulations on the investment minister gig. I’m sorry to throw this at you on day one but we seriously need some help.

WhatsApp to Poppy: Yes, I know she’s only the transport secretary.  

WhatsApp to Varun: Poppy says they need to hear from Downing Street. Seriously mate, you have to call them. They’re talking about skipping the summit and flying to Vegas for the Adele concert. It could be Skyfall for the summit unless you make them feel your love. The whole story will be how Labour loudmouths screwed up a big deal for Britain. Keir may have to give the transport sec a kick as well. But she’s only a cabinet minister.

WhatsApp to Stephen: Got ‘em. We bloody own this government.

From [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sultan, They’ve completely caved. Our strategy has worked. You’ll be getting a call from the business supremo. Keir is throwing the transport secretary under the bus (don’t worry, they aren’t that frequent) and saying what a great partner you are for the UK. My advice now is be magnanimous on the call. There’s no win in rubbing their noses in it further. Call me when you’ve talked.

Rutherford 

Find me on Strava…

WhatsApp to Sultan: It was a pleasure. No, I’d leave them swinging for a few hours longer just to show who’s boss, then I’ll brief out that you’re coming after all. 

WhatsApp to Stephen: I thought they’d show a bit more spine but we had them with the timing. A useful reminder they are in the big league now. Need to up their game. Oooh. Wonder if there is one last win here.

WhatsApp to Varun: Great job. You saved the day. Thank you. Listen it’s not for me to tell you how to do your job but when I was at Downing Street, we had a couple of trusted comms experts we’d call in regularly for an outside overview. Just a thought.

WhatsApp to Stephen: You won’t believe this. Varun wants me to meet Morgan McSweeney. Just as long as they don’t ask me to be transport secretary!

Messages recovered by Robert Shrimsley